We’re All On This Earth For A Reason

          Last week, I was talking with a friend about the medications I take to help me deal with clinical depression.

          It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about the beginning of my battle. It was so long ago, but, in some ways, it feels just like yesterday. The feeling of walking around in a dark cloud. Of feeling like I was constantly wearing blinders. Not being able to think of anything except where to place my foot to take my next step.

          It has been almost 30 years since I started taking medication to help with the overall sadness and despair I used to feel. And I am deathly afraid of stopping them because I never want to go back to that hopeless feeling.

          My kids are the only reason I am still alive today. There were times, when they were very young and still in car seats, that I would be driving along I-70 and see a strong, sturdy tree that would do the trick. All I had to do was steer toward it and all my sadness would be gone. But I always had the kids with me. I couldn’t do something like that while my kids were in the car, could I? What kind of mother would I be to take my children with me?

          I never thought to ask what kind of a mother would even think about leaving her kids behind to be raised without her. Never crossed my mind. I honestly thought they would be better off without me – that the world would be a better place if I wasn’t in it any longer.

          Thank goodness, God, the Universe, and all that is holy that I never actually tried much less succeeded. I would have missed out on some truly exciting and amazing adventures.

          Today, I know we all have a purpose, a reason for being here. The simple act of being an important person in someone else’s life is purpose enough. It’s taken me almost 60 years, but I think I finally believe that my purpose may not be to change the entire world. But maybe I’m just supposed to change one person’s world.

          Remember the story of the guy walking down the beach and throwing the starfish back into the surf? Someone asked him why he was doing it. He certainly wouldn’t be able to save them all. Then the guy looks at the starfish he just picked up and throws it into the water. “But I can save that one.”

          Sometimes we all need a little something to make it through the day. There is no weakness in looking for help, in seeking out the tools available to you so you can move yourself and your family through the days and weeks of your lives.

          I’m reading a few books right now: Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck; The Listening Path by Julia Cameron; If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy by Raj Raghunathan; and Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (I’ve never been diagnosed with ADD, but I think it would be a reasonable assumption).

          I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I have each one of these books open at some point every day. I constantly find something in one that I just read about in another. Julia Cameron calls that “synchronicity.”

          I am finding that Viktor Frankl’s words hit home and have a great impact for me. In case you haven’t read it (and if you haven’t, you should), Man’s Search for Meaning tells the story of Dr. Frankl’s incarceration in a Nazi death camp during WWII. He was a renowned Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist at the time of his arrest (He continued that ground-breaking work after his liberation). He witnessed and experienced untold atrocities. Yet he didn’t allow the negativity and despair to keep him hostage.

          If Viktor Frankl can see the purpose behind his and others’ suffering and go on to forgive his tormentors, then I certainly shouldn’t let some sad times pull me into despair. That’s not to say I am comparing my experiences to his. Someone once told me not to compare what I know about my life to what I can guess about someone else’s.

          My youngest son and I have been discussing Dr. Frankl and his thoughts. We’ve decided there aren’t bad things that happen to good people or good things that happen to bad people. There are only things that happen to people. How you react to those things is what determines if they are good or bad for you (Sometime soon, I’ll come back to Dr. Frankl and share some quotes of his that are my favorites).

          I do ask myself questions though. Like why do some people deal with their experiences so well while others, like me, need chemical help to see the world as everyone else sees it? I honestly have no idea. All I do know is we’re all human and we all cope in our own special ways.

          Taking medication, focusing on exercise, overspending, and buying all the yarn that’s on sale at Meijer are ways that some of us cope. Those coping mechanisms aren’t always healthy (See the previous sentence on overspending and buying all the yarn).

          My point is that we need each other to make it through this life. We have to learn to depend on our families and friends to help us see the light at the end of the tunnel. We need our communities to remain grounded and to feel like we belong.

          We are all different for a reason. If we were all the same, life would be exceedingly boring, and we wouldn’t learn much. Embrace our differences and figure out what you need to do to help yourself see your purpose. I’m glad I gave myself the chance to see that the future is bright and that we all shine best when we pull together.

Until next week,

Susie from Stix-N-Stonez.com