It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

          I’ve been struggling on how to write this week’s post.

          My blog writing “process” goes like this: I decide on a topic and then I just start writing. I probably write different versions on the same topic four or five times before I really figure out how to say what’s on my mind.

          This week, I wanted to write about how this time of year isn’t necessarily the most festive time of year for everyone. But every time I started writing, I ended up giving tips on ways to find happiness. I realized I couldn’t tell you that it was okay to not be okay and then give you tons of ways to try to be okay.

          So I’m kind of stuck. I know not everyone is decking the halls or feeling holly and jolly. How do I tell you that those celebratory feelings aren’t necessary? How do I say it’s okay to have some not so celebratory thoughts? Other than just spitting it out, I can’t think of one. So …

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY!

          There.

          I could spout off a few affirmations: You do you. Accept yourself. Your feelings matter. Feel all the feels.

          But I keep coming back to happiness.

          Maybe it’s because of the Coursera classes I’ve been taking and the books I’ve been reading. I just finished Week 4 of “The Science of Well-Being” and “A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment.” I’ve got a plethora of books checked out from the library, including If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy? and The How of Happiness. I’m surrounded by positivity. I just can’t seem to put my finger on how to accept feelings from the other end of the spectrum.

          We humans are hard-wired for connection. We really do want to share ourselves and our experiences with other beings. That includes the good and the not so good.

          I’ve heard from many of my friends who say the holidays just won’t be the same this year. We’ve all experienced so much loss — whether a family member, a job, the feelings of security and safety, control. How can I find the good there?

          I feel sad thinking about last Christmas. My whole family was at my house so we could celebrate with our mother, who was battling colon cancer. We were all feeling so many things then. Anger, sadness, concern, fear, love, happiness, joy, sorrow, regret. We had no idea what 2020 would bring to us.

          As it turns out, 2020 has been a doozy for the entire world, not just my family. We’ve all experienced the anger, sadness, concern, fear, love, happiness, joy, sorrow and regret and thousands of other emotions – for far too long.

          So, go ahead and be sad. You’ve earned the right. We all have.

          But (you knew a “but” was coming, didn’t you?), don’t wallow in it. Allow the feelings to come – and then, in the words of Disney’s Elsa, “Let It Go.” Celebrate when you are ready, but DO take time to celebrate. There are many reasons why and just as many different ways to do it.

• Did you wake up this morning? Raise your mug of java in salute.
• Did you eat breakfast? Thank you, Mrs. Chicken, for my morning eggs.
• Did you leave your bed unmade? Here’s to the luxury of having a bed to leave unmade.
• Do you have a purpose? Thank whatever entity you believe created the universe and then go out and pursue it.
• Don’t know what your passion is? Just take it day-by-day. Today your passion can be to find a job. Once you reach that goal, your next passion could be to eat breakfast every morning. Once you have those vital needs met, you can start thinking about WHY you are here on this Earth at this specific moment.

          I believe we are here to connect with each other, to share our experiences, to support each other, to worship together, to help each other, to just belong.

          And if that means helping someone get through a sad time when it seems like the whole rest of the world is joyful, then so be it.

          Take some time in these next few days, before whatever holiday you celebrate – before Festivus, before the babe in the manger, before Santa Claus (or whatever jolly gift-giving being visits your house during this time of year), to look back. To remember a year that no one really wants to remember. And embrace all the emotions the year brought.

          Then go back again and pull out those times you laughed. Remember the good things you experienced this year because of the pandemic. You reawakened your joy of baking; you spent more fun time with your kids; you finally had time to train for that 5K. You really did have at least a couple good times. Hold those times close to your heart.

          Savor them.

          Treasure them.

          And then look to the future, because it’s coming whether you’re ready for it or not. I pray you find the joy in the journey.

Until next week,

Susie from Stix-N-Stonez