I am so over this one-armed, left-hand-only life. I’m afraid I significantly underestimated the difficulty level of this maneuver.
Don’t get me wrong. I, in no way, regret the shoulder replacement surgery I went through at the end of October. Right after surgery, the pain was significantly less than before. It’s just that I’m tired of feeling helpless, like I can’t do even the simplest task — like open a bottle of Gatorade or even dry myself off after a shower.
Have I been as diligent in the past few days about not using my right arm the way I was right after surgery? No. I’ve cheated a little — well, a lot. But I can usually tell when I’ve overdone it — believe me, I pay for it later.
But my biggest “problem” is that even the activities that usually brighten my mood have been off limits. It’s incredibly difficult and frustrating to try to crochet or knit with one hand. And preparing a meal is out of the question.
So I have found myself typing with one hand (which is exhausting), reading and losing myself in YouTube videos about dog rescues and wood-turning.
I'm Positive
I feel incredibly lucky that I can get books from my local library and it is no accident that the library book I just finished reading is Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life by Barbara Fredrickson, a professor and positivity researcher at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
The first half of the book describes her research and how she computed an optimal Positivity Ratio that forecasts people’s ability to flourish in their lives. Being the geek I am, I found this stuff fascinating. If you’ve ever wondered how you can quantify a range of emotions into an actual number, the first part of this book is for you.
But I’ll argue that the entire book could put you on a path to positivity that you’ll never want to leave.
Based on her research and observations, Fredrickson has developed six facts about positivity:
- Positivity feels good. Of course it does. Who doesn’t want to feel good?
- Positivity broadens minds. When you open your life to accept positivity, you open your mind to new possibilities.
- Positivity builds resources. If you have an overwhelmingly positive attitude, you are more likely to try new ventures and build up your assets.
- Positivity fuels resilience. When negativity strikes (and it will), those who are positive bounce back from adversity quicker.
- Positivity ratios above 3 to 1 forecast flourishing. This is that magical number I mentioned above. Fredrickson asserts that a 3 positive emotion to each one negative emotion ratio is the tipping point from languishing to flourishing. Want to see how she computes this? Visit Fredrickson’s web site.
- People can raise their positivity ratios. This is the real crux of this book. Once someone figures out his or her personal Positivity Ratio, it’s time to work toward decreasing the negative emotions and increasing the positive ones.
A Note About Negativity
You might think your goal should be to eliminate negativity from your life altogether, but that just isn’t realistic.
After all, you don’t get a rainbow without a little rain. Fredrickson asserts that someone who professes no negative emotions isn’t being authentic. You can’t slap a bogus smile on your face and force everything that feels bad out of your life.
But, there are techniques you can use to reduce your negative experiences — examine your activities and determine any patterns you might have when negativity strikes, stop ruminating on old or potential conversations in your head, try to limit time spent with people who bring out negative emotions, and limit your media intake — TV, news, video games, surfing the Internet, or falling down a YouTube rabbit hole of people pouring acrylic paints on canvas to create amazing art.
Next, increase your positive experiences through meditation or mindfulness techniques. There was a time when I felt “meditation” and “mindfulness” were too woo woo and karma-ish to warrant serious consideration. Then, I started listening to podcasts a few years ago, and I heard a lot about how meditation can increase your mood and help you deal with whatever stress you’re facing in your life.
Then a little more than a year ago I joined a book-club-like-no-other-book-club where we read through Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. We would gather on Zoom weekly to discuss what we read and how it affected our lives that week. It always astonished me how the same words could elicit so many responses.
Here’s where books (it always comes back to books, doesn’t it?) cemented my belief in the effectiveness of meditation and mindfulness. Besides Cameron’s Artist’s Way, there have been You Are A Badass and You Are A Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero, Do It Scared by Ruth Soukup, Don’t Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and countless others.
Everyone Wins
All this effort to increase your own Productivity Ratio isn’t for yourself alone. Everyone around you reaps the rewards. Any steps I might take to increase my positivity helps me feel better and do more. As I feel better about my life, the more likely I am to share my mood and work toward the community’s greater good.
Fredrickson also recommends beginning a gratitude and loving-kindness practice. Savor the goodness around you. Count your blessings and notice when you are genuinely kind to others.
Follow your passions, find the activities that uniquely allow you to play and be creative. Dream about your future. Having a goal — something to work toward — increases your positivity. Then, she says, apply your strengths and connect with others. She cautions that individually we can’t go on this positivity journey on our own. The more we include the people around us, the more the surrounding community also becomes positive.
Not A Bunch of Mumbo Jumbo
I guess being positive boils down to being present. If we constantly fret over the past and worry about the future, we can’t live today. If we always talk down to ourselves, doubt our abilities, and assume the worst, that’s exactly what The Universe throws back at us.
I can’t promise that if you start a mindfulness or meditation practice that your life will become more positive, but I believe your life will have more meaning. I believe that you will live more for the now.
How about you? Have you ever tried a mindfulness or meditation practice? Do you think it’s just a bunch of wishful thinking? Why not take five minutes every day to sit quietly with yourself? Focus on your breathing. Listen to what is happening around you. When a stray thought enters your head, acknowledge it and let it go. Let me know how it goes for you in the comment section below.
It’s not easy but it should be worth the effort. That’s why it’s called practice.
Until next week,
Susie from Stix-n-Stonez