I look back at how I raised my boys and seem to remember a lot of “Nos.”
I can recall getting everyone ready to go into the grocery store. I had the same spiel every time. “We are here to get the food and items on our list. We are not here to get toys or anything else like that. If I hear ‘I want,’ the answer is an automatic ‘No.’ Got it?”
They’d always agree, but invariably one of them would see something he wanted. “Mom, wouldn’t it be nice if we had a hamster at home? Don’t you think a new jacket for me would be good?”
They tried to get around “I want.” But the answer was still “No.”
When Do I Say 'Yes'?
Recently, a friend who is offering a project for the last 100 days of the year, asked a question that got me thinking. Every day, this friend posts a prompt, and those of us participating in her project write something based on that prompt. The other day she asked: “What do you say ‘Yes’ to?”
I had to really think about that. I’m naturally a negative person. The first answer that comes to mind when I get any question is “No.”
Do you want to go to the park? No. Do you want to go to the party? No. Do you want to go on vacation? No. Do you want to visit relatives? No. Do you want to go to a movie? No. (These days, because of the pandemic, most of those answers would still be “No,” but even before COVID, I was a hermit.)
There's a Book For That!
So, as I sat at the computer trying to come up with something clever and “literary” for my essay, I remembered I had a book on my shelves that I hadn’t read yet that would be perfect: Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. You know who Shonda Rhimes is, right? She’s the force behind such awesome TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, Private Practice, and How to Get Away With Murder.
The book has been eye-opening to read. Suffice it to say that most writers write because they prefer to keep their own company. Not many of us are gregarious, outgoing extroverts. So, it shouldn’t have been a shock to read about how one of the most influential people in television today usually said “No” to some awesome requests. But I was still shocked.
- “Jimmy Kimmel wants you on his show.” No.
- “Would you participate in such-and-such a panel to discuss TV today?” No.
- “Would you give a speech at such-and-such a program?” No.
Her “Nos” weren’t because she felt the events weren’t worth her time. Her “Nos” were because she was terrified she would do or say something that would embarrass her to death (literally), or she’d do something that would reflect poorly on her, and her entire television empire (my word, not hers) would come tumbling down.
She was afraid.
Just like me.
Does 'No' Come From Fear?
So, Shonda Rhimes vowed one year to live a “Year of Yes.” She would say “Yes” to the things she was afraid of. She decided to start living for herself, instead of for the TV critics and “influencers” out in the world.
I’m about half-way through the book, and I feel like Shonda is telling my story.
It’s so much easier to say “No” and stay wrapped up in my own little cocoon of safety. It’s much more difficult to say “Yes” to the things I’m afraid of and risk that it will go wrong. But those risks are what help me (and you) grow. Instead of the safety of a cocoon, “Yes” let’s us experience the joy of spreading our wings and flying into our respective futures.
So, what have I said “Yes” to?
- Developing this blog, for one. For the longest time, I thought it would be fun to write my thoughts on a certain topic every week and publish those thoughts. But I was afraid. Would anyone read my words? Would anyone even care? It took a friend and accountability partner to help me realize those things didn’t matter. I have thoughts I want to get on “paper.” I have a dream to start a peace revolution. But until I finally said, “Yes,” it was just a dream. Now I am doing it, and it feels great.
- Writing fiction. I have had story ideas floating in my head for decades. It wasn’t until I joined a group of amazing, supportive writers at Stop Writing Alone, that I took the plunge and decided to actually write the stories instead of just think about them. This November, I’ll be participating in my first National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short). I can’t wait.
- Breathing life into my long-dead freelance business. After the birth of our first son, I tried freelancing. I wrote news releases for organizations and developed newsletters for others. I wrote stories for several publications. I compiled information for The Ohio State Alumni Magazine. I proofread books published by The Ohio State University Press. But after the third son, it was just too difficult. I let nearly everything slide. And eventually stopped altogether. Now, I’m trying to build that business again. It is taking a bit longer than I had hoped, but it’s happening.
What About You?
What about you? What do you say “Yes” to? What can you start saying “Yes” to? If you allow your fears to hold you back, it will feel like you’ll never do anything worthwhile. I know. That’s how I’ve lived most of my life. But when you say “Yes” and open yourself up to new experiences, you open your heart to more joy and fulfillment. Share your experiences below in the comments, or send me a message at susie@stix-n-stonez.com
I look back at all those “Nos” I gave my kids and wonder if they would have been different people if they’d heard a few more “Yeses.” I can’t go back and fix the past, but I can change the future — mine and theirs — by saying “Yes” more often. You can too.
Until next week,
Susie from Stix-N-Stonez
4 thoughts on “What Do You Say ‘Yes’ To?”
Loved this post!!!
Thanks!
Such a great post, Susie! I have let my writing dreams languish while life marches by. NaNoWriMo here I come. Thanks for the push!
Good luck with NaNo, Kenna. I’m really looking forward to it. Thanks for reading.
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